Painful to be alive

Today just had sunshine, storms and thunder, and that was just in my head.

I suffer from Migraines that just don't go away. I have days when I don't leave my room, my prison cell lined with black sheets draped over my lilac curtains so that the sunshine doesn't show.

I don't understand why pain can be so bad, why a good day is never long enough, why I can be surrounded by so much good, so much beauty around me, and yet the pain can dull all that is good around me. Today is just one of many days that just don't seem to end, a day when my "cell" is closing in on me.

I want to be outside working in my yard, enjoying the gifts that God has given us to enjoy. I just need a normal day, when I can speak and think clearly; A day where I don't have to wait for the words to come from my mouth, when the thoughts don't just sit there waiting for the brain to let them out as words of intelligence from my mouth.

I'm a happy and blessed person, just debilitated by my migraines, no medicine I can take to take away the pain, to dull the sunshine, to make my life better.
I want to enjoy life again, to cut my grass, pull weeds and grow things of beauty.

Today is just another day filled with pain.